So, I'm pretty sure I told you guys I take Zoloft now. Well, maybe it is my miracle drug. I still have BPD tendencies, but my overall worrying and dissecting has calmed down tremendously.
I was finally able to sit down and HEAR what my daughter's father has been saying. I have taken into consideration everything that I have done and went though in two years.
The past is the past and it REALLY needs to be BEHIND everyone. I feel as if he totally overreacted to my past. I do not agree with the choices he made. But, in time, I will be able to say its' the past and we are moving forward.
I have been able to maintain boundaries. I have calmly expressed what I am upset about and what needs to be worked on.
Right now, we are "just friends". I think that is a good thing. I KNOW he WANTS to be together. I think this provides me with the security I need to relax and see where things go.
My daughter is happy and he is being a tremendous help to me. The last three months of my life have been a roller coaster due to his lying and not understanding his own emotions.
But, if I'm being honest with everyone involved, I may have started some things as well as egged some other things on.
I am realizing that it is OKAY for me to have him PROVE the things that he says because I don't fully trust his words. Trust has to be worked on and earned after it has been lost.
Overall, the state of my relationship is not why I feel better. But, my new clam is allowing me to have a successful relationship with boundaries.
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