ROUTINES

*****Informative******


I am going to try to make this blog as informative as I can without siting sources necessarily and telling you things that you already know. Maybe, letting you my experience. Here we go.

"Studies have shown that a daily routine for sufferers of bipolar disorder can lengthen the time between episodes."

So, I know, duuh right. If you have a psych doc then you have been told this numerous of times. Well, I want to say if you suffer from bipolar disorder then its hard for you to do anything routinely. (Or maybe its just me) I find when everything is in order I can't really relax. But, when things are in disarray I feel more comfortable.

Example:
When my daughter's clothes, and mine too, are all over the apartment it's easy to find things in the morning. I can get us dressed in record time. But, if I have done laundry and everything is put away nice and neat then its hard for me to find what I'm looking for. I usually can't find two things that match for me or her.

That being said, its hard for me to function with a routine. However, I have tried one anyway. So, for my morning routine I usually get up and shower at the same time. I go to the same gas station each morning and I try to drop the kid off at the daycare at the same time each day.

Now, I do find that I do have less stress in the morning. Is it enough of a difference for me to want to diligently get a routine down. No. But, that is primarily because having a routine in itself is stressful for me.

What I find if low stimulation makes my life breathable. Stimulation is a very bad thing for me. If I get happy I usually get really loud. If I'm upset I just get really mad and it takes forever to calm down.

So, I try my best to stay away from any conflict or drama. I know what you are thinking, that's easy to say. And you are right, it is. But, it's also easy to avert the situation. Everything does not have to be addressed. I know when certain things make us feel certain ways we NEED to address them to be able to move past it sometimes. But, this can cause more harm than good. Sometimes its better to dwell on something with yourself in the mirror, than have a blowout or argument over it.

Also, I try to relax from the world at times. I have found that this really helps. I can't always be "involved" with the world. Sometimes the illness does not allow me to. I take everything badly and I'm snapping for no reason. At that point, I relax in my own thoughts. I try to take the kid  somewhere and lay back. Now, this does not stop the episode. But, it does stop me from doing things that I can't take back once the episode has past.

I know you all are thinking well duhh. But, really, it takes a conscious effort to not do those things. You are over stimulated and have energy to burn. I have a treadmill that only gets used to get rid of energy. I'm no workout buff. I have a hard time keeping weight. But, the running helps.

Im weary about taking my kid out when Im manic. Primarily because she takes so much attention that if I turn my head or get engrossed in something anything can happen. So, my apartment is filled with toys and all types of things for her to enjoy when we can't go out and enjoy the day.

My goal is to not let my bipolar disorder interfere in her daily life to much to where she would notice.

So, far the routine has helped some.  Making a conscious decision to retreat from the ever-changing world around me at times has also really made a difference.

What has helped you?

AgiTaTion Reloaded

I'm still moving around. I'm trying to find a psychiatrist I can afford. Due to having a child by a deadbeat, when they offered Health Insurance I really couldn't afford it with Daycare, Groceries, and Rent it was not a priority. But, now with the mania setting in and various 'triggers' in my life, it's time to go see someone for real. (Not just a PCP).

So, I made an appointment with a psych doc that is cash pay. Can I afford it? I'm going to have to is what I have been thinking. But, after making a few calls they have caseworkers and all types of clinics that go off of your income. So, I left a message for one this morning. I will keep you up to date as to how that will go.
Right now, my appointment is for August 21, 2013. I can't wait that long. I'm MANIC right now. Nothing I'm doing is making any sense even to myself. My child is keeping my grounded because I KNOW I have to take care of her.

But, I'm not sleeping. (Even after two or three glasses of wine) I'm waking up in the middle of the night.

So, this is me today, but I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I never do.

AgiTaTion (EXTREME)

For whatever reason I am having severe agitation today. I mean I can not stop moving. I'm finding myself looking around to check if any of my coworkers are noticing that I can't stop moving. Its kind of funny because I'm the one that people always bring the quirks they notice to. So, Imp wondering is anyone going to come to and say, "You know you can't stop moving right?"

I'm working pretty fast because I think I might be in a slight mania state.

Background: I have been seeing 'people' for my issues since I was in the seventh grade, after my first suicide attempt. All of us that have been dealing with these issues for awhile know when something is not right. Even though we may not always address it.

Back on subject, I think I might be in a slight mania state because yesterday I was so upset. And I mean UPSET. I worked 7 hours straight with no lunch and then just had to go home. I could not be here because I was feeling so DOWN. I mean DOWN. That hopeless and no one can cheer you up because you don't even know why you upset kind of DOWN.

But, today, I'm back to my version of being a norman. I don't feel like crying and nothing is really getting to me. But, I'm moving something at all times. When I notice I'm not moving I have to start moving again.


I am taking Paroxetine for my anxiety, and it really only calms me down really. But, its better to have something that nothing. Especially is you "feel" the difference.

What do you do for Agitation? Me, I just kind of deal with it.

This is ME

Its not unusual for me to feel unusual. As a matter of fact when I feel normal it usually means that Im in a manic state. You know mental illness is different without kids. Before I had my daughter, now two, my life was in whirlwind. But, I was young and I just considered it normal. Always on ten and feeling as if the world should regulate itself to deal with me not the other way around. To be honest, I kind of still feel like that sometimes. Because its more of us than them (I call them Normans).

I digress, my daughter should not have to regulate herself to deal with my issues. It is my job to make sure she is safe and well cared for. For me, that is not always the easiest task when you are on "edge" and "irritable". I use the quotes because the severity degree is so REAL. I find myself having to watch myself react before I can actually react.

I just wanted the first post to show you a small window into this. Keep Reading You wont be disappointed.