First, allow me to congratulate myself and be proud of myself. That is something I rarely am is proud of myself. I am. I had a sober day. To be honest, I couldn't tell you when the last time I went a whole day with nothing.
Oh I can during my pregnancy. But, I was getting beat up and working 60 hours a week so who had the time. That is another post that I will visit when I'm stronger.
Right now, though, I'm seeing things so clear.
The father of my child tried to break me because he has his own issues. He was always telling me what I couldn't do. In the two years we were apart I managed to keep his child with a roof with hardly any financial support from him. She has had her own room since birth and has never utilized it for anything, but a place to store her toys. She has everything she wants and then some. I have a stable career and her life is stable. She is two years old and she knows the pledge of allegiance. Pretty impressive.
People focus on your negatives because they could not have accomplished what you have on your own. They couldn't have accomplished it with help. In the two years we have been apart, this man does not have a stable place to live nor does he even have his own car. He drives a car everyday, but it is not his.
The one thing he used to drill into me is that I have a substance abuse problem. But, after yesterday I realize I don't have a substance abuse problem. I have a ME problem that I am addressing and dealing with everyday. I used to use substances to avoid dealing with ME.
But, I dealt with me yesterday and you know what she ain't so bad. Kind of short tempered and no patience, but she is a cool chick. She is laid back and enjoys the simpler things in life. She's not impressed by material things. Only impressed by intelligence and hard work.
She's not the best driver as she has torn off her rear view mirror after hitting a pole. But, all borderlines are bad drivers. Seriously we are. I think it has something to do with my poor impulse control and not having any control over the driving 'environment'.
It's like how a lot of extremely smart people refuse to drive because being on the road is sooo dangerous. (Think Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) Well, I'm the opposite. I'm probably the reason the road is dangerous. But, I have accepted that I'm not going to be a good driver so I have to keep good insurance. LOL.
But, as get deeper into this journey I am learning how to accept myself for who and what I am. I have a borderline personality and I am bipolar. That is who I am, but it does not have to define me and I can go on with my life with it.
It will not be as easy as you 'normies' out there. But, I can do. I'm proving to myself that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to. It sounds cliché, but I'm doing it.
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